I like roller coasters. My favorite place to visit is any Disney park. The excitement and fun I find there is unlike anything else. Except for maybe emotional eating. Yesterday was a day of roller coaster emotions. Happiness, excitement, fear, sadness, relief, anger, guilt, acceptance, caring, peace. It was quite the day. There were many times that I didn't feel "well" and wanted to eat to try and make myself feel better.

I've tried that before and it is no different than sitting on my couch watching the Disney commercials and thinking I'm getting the same experience as being there. Emotional eating feels good in the moment but it is just an illusion that my feelings were fixed by the food. It took a lot of will power and prayer to keep me from ransacking our pantry to find any oooie gooie thing I could find. I had to just own my feelings.

It's new. Not just grabbing something out of the fridge or pantry to deal with the stress. I haven't had a coffee all week where usually I have 2 a day. I miss it but I know I was using it to mask my feelings. Feeling tired and drained - that's ok have a coffee. Feeling bored - that's ok just grab some crackers and cheese. Stress at work - just grab a snack, and then another coffee.

This is hard. But after 6 days I feel good. My head feels clearer and though I'm finding my emotions overwhelming at times I have a great support system who listens to me anytime I need it. I'd rather be at any Disney park but I'm pretty happy here too. I just keep thinking that the next time we do go I will fit better in the airplane seats and I will have more energy to walk around, and when I get on the next roller coaster I will know it's all been worth it.