So it’s been a while since my last blog… almost a month now but I’m still doing good. There are always set backs and bumps a long the road but today something great happened. I had a guy at work ask me point blank if I had lost weight. WHAT! YES I have lost weight! He was the first person to notice and what a great feeling it was! I’ve noticed little changes and my clothes are starting to get big on me but no one else has said anything to me.

I wondered how this would feel. Any other time I’ve tried to get healthy and I get to this point I stop. I don’t want to be noticed because what if I gain it back? I like the attention but I also know how hard it is to keep it off. I really don’t want anyone to say to me “hey you lost weight last month and this month – whoa – it found  you again huh…” I know people won’t say that but I feel that they could say that in their heads. I think I’ve actually sabotaged myself in the past, in all areas of my life, making up what I "think" other people are thinking of me. I have REALLY great stories.... just ask me sometime.

BUT This time is different. I'm doing things slowly. I am not dieting, just living better so if I lose weight it is great but if I don't, that's ok too. The only story I need to worry about is my own. It's all about me being better. The best thing that's happened so far, which is far above being noticed is playing tag with my son and not being out of breath. That moment was worth every time I've chosen to change my food habits or exercise for that couple minutes longer. I've noticed a difference in me and that's what this wellness journey is all about. Noticing the good stuff.

So today my blog is just a rant. I am doing so well and am feeling good and keeping to my plan. That is until I watch TV. Every 3rd commercial is about food. Though I mostly PVR shows I still have to fast forward through the commercials and watching the big NBA basketball player eat his SUPER CHEESY PIZZA backwards because it is a stuffed crust is just cruel punishment.

I’m not so strict on my wellness plan that I can’t enjoy a good piece of pizza every now and then I just choose not to have the ULTIMATE pizza. The choice isn’t easy and at times it would be so good to eat 4 slices of it like I used to but I’m changing and now I stop at 2 without the stuffed crust.

I would hope that this would be the only commercial about food but no… there is Subway and though I respect Jared I just can’t eat my sandwich without some cheese and sauce so watching those commercials are happy and cheerful but it’s like the muffin from day 2 of my journey…. suspiciously healthy.

And lastly what’s with the McDonald’s commercial with the blind folded guy? Let’s hover some food under the guy’s nose and see if he can tell what he is about to eat… this is just plain weird and I’m not sure what their message is. “Our food is so smelly that you don’t have to see it to know it’s ours….” Sure.

There are temptations everywhere and at night enjoying my favorite show seems to be the best time to captivate me into watching these horrible commercials. It’s one of those times where I am thankful I live on an acreage and can’t easily get any of it. Willpower is a hard thing to keep going but as I said yesterday I am just going to keep on keepin on…. willpower well that’s for another day.

It’s been nice, I've had a few friends ask me if I've been blogging and as you can tell.... I haven't. My last post was about keeping the "good stuff" in my life and yet I've put these posts on the very bottom of the list. Not good.

I took a course on the 7 habits of highly effective people this week and though I thought I was effective it turns out I really haven't been that effective at all. It was quite an eye opener. My wellness journey is not just about loosing weight it's about becoming a better me. What that looks like in the end I'm not sure but so far I'm moving forward and that's the best thing.

So day 41... week 7 starts tomorrow. I've been really good.... and really bad over the last 41 days. The good far outweighs the bad and as I promised myself when I started I won't beat myself up for the bad... but I will acknowledge it and move on. That's a hard one for me. I love guilt and guilt loves me. I live in the should've, could've, would've world. I certainly can't move forward if I'm just focusing on what I should or could have done differently. Instead I'm working towards the gonna, wanna, happen world. I like it better.

Put first things first, big rocks, quadrant 2 are all really good things I got from the 7 habits but ultimately it comes down to wanting to be better. To improve on what I am today. I didn't start at the bottom and I can't change everything over night, but I can start with the little things such as this blog. I believe in me. I'm going to be better, I want to share my story, I want to be well and feel great and I'm going to make it happen one moment, day, week at a time and just keep on keepin on...

Happy Valentine’s Day! It’s been almost a week since I’ve made the time to sit down and blog. I’ve sure missed it. Today is a day of love and romance. Spend the day with the one you love. Flowers and chocolates and fancy dinners. Why do all holiday’s have to have some connection with food. I understand that food nourishes us but I’ve learned over the years that the processed chocolates of Easter, Halloween, Christmas, and Valentine's day are not very nourishing.

What we really should be doing this Valentine's day (and everyday) is nourishing our souls. Being on day 12 I thought for sure the food was going to be the hardest hurdle on my wellness plan but believe it our not my hardest part is keeping the good stuff in my life EVERYDAY.

I had a very stressful week. Lots of moving parts at work and home and feeling really overwhelmed balancing everything. I didn't stray from my plan. I had lots of check marks on my daily wellness journal but what I did notice is that I didn't take enough of my good stuff. That's finding the good in everyday. For me it's lounging in my hot tub catching up with my best friend, reading a really good book that I can't put down or just having time to chill at the end of a long day.

I didn't nourish my soul this week and by Thursday I felt so run down. I have lots of energy from my exercise and nutrition plan, but my soul was missing something. So yesterday I spent 3 hours visiting with a friend I hadn't seen in well over six months. I belly laughed (the best laugh there is!). I got my hair done and feel like a new woman again. I took care of the good stuff yesterday and today I feel renewed.

Life is about balance. Finding the right balance between going for lunch and having more calories than usual but then giving ourselves permission to burn off those calories by laughing. Yes I count that as exercise. I'm still feeling really good. Tomorrow is the end of week 2. I got roses for Valentine's day so now instead of chocolates I am going to stop and smell my roses and enjoy a moment to nourish my soul. That's the GOOD STUFF!

I was going to start this post by saying “I survived” this first week but it really doesn’t feel like a survival week. If I was on Survivor and had to live off of a cup of rice a day – that would be survival. No I had my rough times but I didn’t survive if anything I learned a lot this week.

One of the best strategies I learned this week was when you are at a function and people are eating around you. Focus on what they are saying not what they are eating and then you won’t think of the food. I took this advice to heart as I visited and watched people eat my FAVORITE appetizer – the glorious spinach dip. It is my biggest nemesis. The creamy texture mixed with the crunch of the cracker is so satisfying. My mouth waters even as I write this….. Glad there’s none in the house.

In the past I would have eaten half the bowl (and enjoyed every bite) but instead I listened and strategically stayed away and I got through. Before I knew it the bowl was empty and I hadn’t had any. I celebrated that minor accomplishment. You could call it will power but I just call it “wait it out until it’s all gone then you can’t have any so you don’t have to worry anymore.”

Anyway, I had a good week. My tools are working well. I feel good. The stairs at work are getting easier everyday. I know I can outlast the spinach dip and in the end I really enjoyed sitting and just listening.

I like roller coasters. My favorite place to visit is any Disney park. The excitement and fun I find there is unlike anything else. Except for maybe emotional eating. Yesterday was a day of roller coaster emotions. Happiness, excitement, fear, sadness, relief, anger, guilt, acceptance, caring, peace. It was quite the day. There were many times that I didn't feel "well" and wanted to eat to try and make myself feel better.

I've tried that before and it is no different than sitting on my couch watching the Disney commercials and thinking I'm getting the same experience as being there. Emotional eating feels good in the moment but it is just an illusion that my feelings were fixed by the food. It took a lot of will power and prayer to keep me from ransacking our pantry to find any oooie gooie thing I could find. I had to just own my feelings.

It's new. Not just grabbing something out of the fridge or pantry to deal with the stress. I haven't had a coffee all week where usually I have 2 a day. I miss it but I know I was using it to mask my feelings. Feeling tired and drained - that's ok have a coffee. Feeling bored - that's ok just grab some crackers and cheese. Stress at work - just grab a snack, and then another coffee.

This is hard. But after 6 days I feel good. My head feels clearer and though I'm finding my emotions overwhelming at times I have a great support system who listens to me anytime I need it. I'd rather be at any Disney park but I'm pretty happy here too. I just keep thinking that the next time we do go I will fit better in the airplane seats and I will have more energy to walk around, and when I get on the next roller coaster I will know it's all been worth it.

Fear. Fear can hold us back from so many things. Fear of what others will think, fear of disappointment and fear of failure.

I know as part of my path to wellness I need to write down my journey. I created this website and decided to blog as often as I wanted so I could keep myself motivated to keep going. I did not make it public. What if no one liked what I wrote? What if I failed after the day 2 - what was I thinking? post? What if someone thought less of me because of my struggles? What if.....

Then Denis read it. He laughed and could relate to my writing. He encouraged me to share. I sent it out to some close friends and my parents who also liked it. Maybe this isn't so scary after all... Nah who am I kidding I'm still scared to post it on Facebook to truly commit to my wellness journey.

Now I just don't have to do it alone.

I've joined other Q members in the No more ExQuses - The 90-day Biggest "User" challenge on Facebook. I publicly (though I didn't know it at the time) wrote to commit to using 30 pounds in 90 days. And now I am making this blog public.

I'm going to struggle with the what if's.... I really don't want to fail. I've started the dreaded DIET so many times. Done it on my own. Didn't tell anyone so no one would know if I failed. Well every time I did fail. Yup. Always failed on my own.

This time is different. It's not a diet. I'm not alone. I've got my wellness plan; 5 days in - it's working. I feel good. And now I am sharing...

They say you shouldn’t eat out during your first week of a new diet. I’m trying not to call my changes a diet, it is a wellness plan / lifestyle change. Diet is such a horrible word. I can't recall who said it but someone once told me that they would NEVER do anything that had the word DIE in it. Smart advice.

I've also heard the advice of "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". Perhaps, but why would I force myself to suffer? Really doesn't make a lot of sense to me. Anyway today's blog is not about the diet. It's about surviving a day full of stress & temptations.

Today was an all day meeting with our new department head. Everyone was anxious and interested to hear what the new guy had to say. To put everyone in a good mood breakfast was brought in. Fruit and muffins. Seems safe enough... right? Have you ever looked up the calories in a muffin? You think - bran - good, raisins - good, fruit - good, but you forget about the cup of butter or shortening that merges all of that good stuff into even BETTER stuff. It's like the silent ingredient bound for your hips while you think "muffins are healthy". Oh but they are SOO good to eat!

My co-worker beside me had 2.

Yes it was so hard to control myself. He had one and I was ok. Doing the inside pep talk - don't worry - be strong. Drink your water and pay attention to the person talking...... I did ok. Then he had another one! Yes I thought to myself "YOU MUST BE KIDDING ME!!". This is when the what doesn't kill you makes you stronger quote came to mind. I even started singing Kelly Clarkson in my head (not out loud... though it might have cut my day short to be sent home with the DIET crazies).

Day 3 my day had just begun. I still had lunch being brought in and then still had to go out for dinner as an evening team building event. I took a deep breath and remembered it is not a DIET I am on and I am not going to DIE. I am going to LIVE! I am getting well and helping my body feel better! I am working to put the happiness I have inside myself on the  outside of my body. It is a wellness plan and I know I will be tempted by the calorie filled muffins but it went well.

I did eat. I didn't binge. I didn't guilt myself for having the second drink at dinner. I recorded it in My Fitness Pal and acknowledged that I had survived the day. I am still on the plan and I'm going to keep on going. I am strong enough to do this!!

Today is day two of my new wellness plan. What was I thinking!!! I’ve been gearing up for this for a while and as I said in my last post I had the plan all I have to do is execute…. my body on the other hand seems to have other ideas. They say that you will have more energy and generally feel better if you eat right and exercise.

Who are these people and what do they know??? I’m tired and grouchy. I feel quite sorry for my family who are getting the short end of my limited patience.

I have a couple motivation posters up in my house and on my desk at work. Today I wanted to throw them out! I don’t care if in 6 months this will all be worth it. Today I just want a big cup of coffee with lots of cream and sugar and maybe a doughnut too. It’s funny, I haven't had a doughnut in well over 2 months but today I wanted one so bad. I think my body is revolting against my brain.

I am going to keep going. I am going to go have my fruit for desert with some stevia to get the sweetness that I'm craving and when I crawl into bed tonight I will celebrate that I have survived 2 days. My body may not like it but my brain is going to win this battle, at least for today.

I have thought this through and I am ready to start being accountable for me. I don’t  have any more excuses. I want this blog to help me record my journey though triumphs and struggles. I can visualize the end game, know what I need to do and now I just need to execute.

It is interesting that today is the 49th Superbowl and just like me they have prepared for the beginning of the game. It doesn't matter what happened before or even necessarily what got them to this point. What matters is that they are present, excited and prepared to give it all of their energy. They are superb athletes who have trained for today. Win or lose I doubt any player will not give it their 100% effort. Have no regrets and leave it all on the field.

I am not an athlete, in fact my athletic ability is just a bit above nil, however, what I do share with these athletes is the determination to succeed. When I decided to start seriously changing my lifestyle I began to make a plan in my mind. I needed some good tools, positive thoughts and a great support system. The tools comes from QSciences, my husband is my greatest support and my mind is ready to make the change.

Tomorrow I start measuring my Wellness Plan it is based on 5 key pillars I believe are so important that if I successfully execute my plan my health and wellness will triumph.

1. Exercise - commit to daily exercise
2. Vitamins - feed your brain and body
3. Nutrition - measure what you eat
4. Lifestyle - sleep, limit stress and continually challenging your brain
5. The Good Stuff - what makes you feel good, reward yourself

Each of these will change as I move though my lifestyle journey. Exercise will get more challenging as my endurance and strength increase. I am always looking for new learning opportunities and ways to challenge my brain and of course the good stuff is what nourishes the soul.

I am ready to start and looking forward to my journey. I know there will be set backs, I expect them. I have plan to forgive myself and keep on going. Just like the Superbowl I have my game plan ready. Everything is lined up and I just need to kick off.

Here I go on my journey to Wellness. I'm not sure of my destination yet but for now my goal is to execute for 7 days and then change the game plan if necessary. I'm excited, prepared and I am ready! Let the game begin!